Peace. What a wonderful gift it is when we are at peace. I don’t mean an absence of war in our country, but when my spirit is at peace with who I am, where I am, and all things around me.
There were times in the last six months when I wasn’t sure I would ever get back to peace. So much was being thrown my way that I wasn’t even sure peace would ever be possible. First we decided that God was leading us to move from a place we loved and people we loved to go across the country to the foreign land of New York. Although our children live there and the idea of being near them was exciting, the entire process of pulling up stakes was daunting. Next, being told you have two years to live and that a lung biopsy revealed no living parts is shocking. Then not being allowed to sell your home and losing eighteen years of equity, making it impossible to purchase a home in New York, was shattering. My equilibrium was in tatters. As I sat in a chair, wearing a face mask watching other people pack up my house and clean it, I was grateful for the help, but discouraged about who I had become—weak and helpless—and wondering if I would ever feel like myself again.
Today I read My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and he spoke of holding my life to the standard I set for others instead of looking to Christ as the light that guides me. As I read it, I realized that peace was once again reigning in my spirit. We are in New York because God has called us to be here. Our daughter found us a home that has an apartment in it that will make our mortgage payment, so we were able to purchase a home without the equity money we had counted on being available to us. We believe God chose that home for us and we have already established a great relationship with our neighbors, even though it will be about a month before our renovations are finished so we can move into the house. We met the assistant mayor of Castleton on Hudson, the village we will be living in, and her husband had two lung transplants before he passed away of the same disease I have. We had an immediate connection. None of these things are circumstantial, but have been lovingly planned for us by our gracious Father who offers me His peace.
Peace is more than an absence of conflict. It is tranquility of spirit and a quiet assurance that your life is in harmony with the heart of God. My circumstances have remained unchanged. I am still ill, we have limited finances to go forward with renovating our 1870’s home, and we miss our friends and church in Oregon. However, my spirit is resting in the fact that God is not just in control, but orchestrating my life to be in the center of His will and in a place where I will be blessed and be a blessing. He has called me to be where I am and has directed my choices to bring me to this moment. I am content, and receive it all with a thankful heart.