We are a couple who love life! David and I have been married for forty-eight years and counting. I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis in 2015 (and told I had two years to live) and our lives have totally changed. We moved from Oregon to New York to live by our daughter and now we see each day as a gift, a wonderful opportunity to breathe together for another day and a day to worship our wonderful God.
Breathing by Grace
Seeing that everything is a good gift from God and that what He gives in completely enough.
2 Corinthians 9:8 (AMP), “And God is able to make all grace [every favor and earthly blessing] come in abundance to you, so that you may always [under all circumstances, regardless of the need] have complete sufficiency in everything [being completely self-sufficient in Him], and have an abundance for every good work and act of charity.”
Making a life, not just a living—Living by Grace
In 2005 I worked for a radio station, doing a talk show over the noon hour. I loved my job for I got to share stories and music and encourage people to follow God with all their hearts. Problems came when I began to cough. My program had been live, but soon I had to tape it to edit out the bits of coughing that came when I spoke. Along with the coughing came weakness. On three occasions I was so weak after my shift that they had to call David to come and pick me up out of my chair and take me home, I didn’t have the strength to do it on my own. It became obvious I could no longer keep working.
After months of coughing so much that I could only talk in a whisper, they finally got it under control, but the weakness continued until I spent most of my time in the recliner and couldn’t get to the back of my house without stopping along the way to pant for breath. One Saturday night in early March of 2007 God woke me up in the middle of the night and said to me, “Julia, you’ve not told me thank you for this weakness.”
Be thankful for weakness? What are You talking about? God continued. “You no longer have any responsibilities, no one expects anything of you, nothing’s on your schedule. I’ve given you a chance to start over with your time and you’ve not told me thank you.”
I’ve learned that when God speaks, you answer, so I mumbled, “Thank you,” even though I was puzzled and confused.
The next day we had to go to Seattle after church to see some friends, and by the time we got to our hotel, I was so exhausted, David had to carry me inside. During the night, God woke me again and this time He said, “I am going to heal you, but it will be a long obedience in the same direction.” I had no idea what that meant.
The next morning we had breakfast with our friends and then set out to see the sights of Seattle. As we went, David kept pointing out places where I could sit and rest, but I brushed him aside and said I was okay. By the time we toured the aquarium, walked five blocks to Iver’s Restaurant for lunch, and walked through Pikes Place Market, it was obvious that God had healed me. For the next seven years I was symptom free.
When the weakness started to return I decided to hit it head on and not let it get as bad as it had been, so I went to the doctor. He sent me to a specialist who told me I had a disease called Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. He said it was fatal, and that I had two years to live. We were shocked! The part of the lung they biopsied in August of 2015 showed no living cells and confirmed the diagnosis. It is as if my lungs are turning to stone.
How do you live with a death sentence hanging over your head?
The Apostle Paul knew exactly what this was like. He had an illness and he was in prison, condemned to die. He recorded what God told him and his response to God in 2 Corinthians 12:9: And God has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
God’s grace is enough. It’s enough for pain. It’s enough for weakness. It’s enough when life doesn’t go the way we think it should go. God’s grace—that wonderful outflow of gifts He pours over us daily. He gives us His strength we have none, His peace when we are torn up inside, His joy for our sorrow, His forgiveness for our sins. His grace fills our lives each moment.
The writer of Romans puts it all into perspective when he wrote in chapter 8 verses 37-39: “But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
My life may be fragile, my health may be gone, but Christ Jesus my Lord is loving me with everything He is. His grace is totally enough to help me overwhelmingly conquer.
I love the devotional My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers. On May 19th he wrote: “God does not keep His child immune from trouble; He promises, “I will be with him in trouble . . .” (Psalm 91:15). It doesn’t matter how real or intense the adversities may be; nothing can ever separate him from his relationship to God. “In all these things we are more than conquerors . . .” (Romans 8:37). Paul was not referring here to imaginary things, but to things that are dangerously real. And he said we are “super-victors” in the midst of them, not because of our own ingenuity, nor because of our courage, but because none of them affects our essential relationship with God in Jesus Christ.”
God has proved Himself completely faithful to His word in my life. Let me tell you some of the ways He has been with me in trouble.
First, after struggling with the decision to retire for over a year, we decided it was time to leave our church and active ministry and move to New York. We felt God calling us here, but we loved our church and the people of New Hope, so the decision was hard. We called Dirk and Jennifer and told them we were moving to New York. They were ecstatic. Three days later we got the diagnosis from the specialist. Life in New York would be an end of life adventure.
We went to sell our home and the other two people whose names were on our deed—we had bought a 27 acre parcel together but we were given the house—refused to sign off on the deed, so we lost eighteen years of equity we had counted on to purchase a home here.
We needed a house here but had limited funds and special needs—like a bedroom on the first floor and no stairs—and there weren’t many available. Dirk and Jennifer selected one, and we made an offer on it, sight unseen. When we got here we could see that it needed work, but once we got into it, it needed much more than we had expected. We lived with Dirk’s parents for three months until the house became livable. It took six months more until we had a usable kitchen with a stove and running water. My patient husband did dishes all that time in the bathroom sink! It took a lot of patience and determination not to get discouraged as the work progressed slowly. We still don’t have a master bedroom, but it is coming this summer.
It would have been easy to complain and ask God why, but years ago God had impressed on our hearts that we were to live Breathing by Grace. That is, we were to accept what God gave us a good gift and know that His gifts were enough. We needed nothing else.
And God has proved Himself faithful and His gifts of grace have been enough.
Again the writer of Romans gives us God’s promise: What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? . . . Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? . . . But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31-39)
God has been with us every step of the way. He provided friends who drove with us clear across the country, and in the middle of the winter as well! He provided Chuck and Sally Jo to house us as we prepared the house for occupation. We have a wonderful renter for the upstairs apartment so in spite of not having the funds we expected, we can make our house payment each month. Although we miss our church in Oregon, God provided this church and the wonderful people in it to encourage us, fellowship with us, and give us opportunities for service and growth.
A huge gift of grace happens each month for us. Although my illness is progressive and cannot be cured or turned back, five months before I was diagnosed, a medicine was approved that doesn’t heal the disease, but it slows down its degenerative properties. The medicine costs over three thousand dollars a month and we do not have insurance that covers prescriptions. God, in His grace and mercy, arranged for the pharmaceutical company to offer it free to me through its foundation. Every month when the pills arrive, we stop for a time of thanksgiving to God for His wonderful provision.
Other provisions God has graciously poured out on us are opportunities to share His love with those around us. We have great doctors here and my Pulmonologist teaches at Albany Medical School. He asked me to come to be part of his class on Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis so the class could see my medical files and ask me questions. We prayed that I would have an opportunity to give God glory and praise for His gracious grace toward us. Imagine my surprise when the Dr. Judson’s first statement was, “Why don’t you start your story back in 2005 when you worked in radio?” What an open door! I got to share with the students about God speaking to me in the night, healing me, and giving me seven extra years of life. Do you realize if God hadn’t healed me then I would have died already? There wasn’t a medication to help slow the disease at that time. And by the time God healed me I was much farther along in this disease than I am now. It was wonderful to tell the students that I see each day as a gift and that each morning David and I pray, thanking God for one more day to breathe together.
Something that was a desire of my heart for years was living close to my daughter and grandsons so we could be part of their lives. God has granted that. We often pinch ourselves and say, “We are living our dream!”
We don’t know what tomorrow holds, but we do know Jesus Christ and we take to heart the words He spoke to Martha just before He raised her brother Lazarus from the dead. John recorded Jesus’ words in John 11:24-26: Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?”
We don’t know if God will heal me completely or if my life will come to an end. Either way, I am living a win-win. The words of Paul in Philippians 1 have become real to us: “according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”
If I live, I am here with you all. If I die, I’m in heaven with Jesus. It truly is a win-win if Jesus is our Lord and Savior.
God is so good. He has given us so much!
Julia Ewert (May 22, 2017)