First posted in April 1, 2009

For my dad, Frank Ewert, the two lonely years after my mother’s death in January of 1994 were really difficult.  He lived alone in their small house in Langdon, ND.  He was missing a leg due to diabetes, and he continually battled with “ole Slewfoot,” the devil.  In the temptation to feel useless and to be disappointed in the way his life had turned out, he wrote the first part of the prayer copied below.

“O Lord, may I live in YOUR adequacy today, not simply my potential. Don’t just help me Lord!  Hold me close and use me as You will. You are more than adequate, and it’s in You I am more than a conqueror! Everything about You shouts for me to believe this!” [1]

A few months before his death in August of 1996, dad gave me the copy of this prayer that he had written out on a card and kept by the easy chair where he did so much business with the Lord Jesus Christ.  It instantly became my prayer too, as I too was truly growing toward complete surrender to the pure goodness and sovereign grace of our Lord.

That year of 1996 was a “firestorm” year at New Hope Church.  We lost 27% of our congregation to conflict and confusion.  I was hugely disappointed with the way life was going.  But then, the Lord began to heal us.

^{(The cross pictured here hangs on the wall at New Hope Church in Winston, Oregon. It was created by Linda and John Oltman out of a pile of broken pottery represented our shattered lives. It remains a testimony to the redeeming power of Christ in His death and resurrection.)}

Tyrone Spenst, my nephew (with his new wife Pauline) came for two years to serve as an associate pastor in the areas of worship, youth and prayer.  In the spring of 1998, his mother Pauline (my sister) was really close to death due to complications from a long battle with Multiple Sclerosis.  Before going to ND to see her, Tyrone struggled to believe God in prayer for her healing (or at least survival for a season).  He couldn’t pray she would be healed, for fear that she wouldn’t.  He didn’t see how that his faith in God could survive that disappointment.  But then, God gave him an overcoming faith – in the form of a short prayer he took back with him to ND.

In the kitchen at New Hope Church, he and I prayed together for his mom and for his peace in going home – possibly to attend to her death.

^{(In this picture Pauline is pictured with her husband, Art Spenst. Both are now in Glory. 🙂}

As Tyrone prayed, he said words like these, “Lord, I will risk disappointment in You, but I can never risk disbelief.  Help me to trust You.”

That prayer resonated deeply in my spirit and so I added the sentence to Grandpa’s prayer, “O Lord, I will risk disappointment, but never disbelief.”

The following two years took us through the Solemn Assembly of Christians in the Winston area (at the end of October 1999), with much loved evangelists Bob Cryder and Dave Cetti helping us.  And our world moved through the millennial Y2 scares into 2000.  Julia and I turned 50. The Solemn Assembly was a fierce battle with fleshly passions in which we all were learning to tread softly in God’s presence and not to hurt the Body of Christ.  As the new century dawned fears were magnified over many things and hopelessness took a firm grip on the culture of Douglas County.  So, during those years the remaining lines were added to the prayer.

Since that time, I have prayed this prayer many times to our wonderful Lord Jesus.  Always I’m reminded that my life is about bringing glory to Him, not about bringing comfort and control to me.  I’m reminded that He is truly pre-eminent and sovereign over all things, and that the more I exult Him to first place in my heart regarding everything touching on my life, the greater the measure I carry of contentment and assurance of His undying love and perfect, good will toward me.

So, today I pass the following prayer on to you.  It’s your turn to take the legacy and make it your own.

O Lord, may I live in YOUR adequacy today, not simply my potential.  Don’t just help me Lord!  Hold me close and use me as You will.  You are more than adequate, and it’s in You I am more than a conqueror!  Everything about You shouts for me to believe this!

O Lord, I will risk disappointment, but never disbelief.  I will serve You, not my fears.  I will serve You, not my fleshly passions.  Thank You for the baptism of the Spirit.  Help me daily to consent to Your Lordship, and to act courageously in view of Your resurrection and ascension to the Father.  Amen!

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[1] “I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe Him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated Him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. Now He is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else – not only in this world but also in the world to come. God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made Him head over all things for the benefit of the church. And the church is His body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with Himself.” Ephesians 1:19-23 (New Living Translation)

“Now when I came to Troas for the gospel of Christ and when a door was opened for me in the Lord, I had no rest for my spirit, not finding Titus my brother… But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.” (2 Corinthians 2:12-14 NASB)

“Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?  …But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.” (Romans 8:35,37 NASB)

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