Not again!
Waking up on this early morning with my thoughts on using the snowblower for the first time this winter, I suppose I was distracted.
The spilled coffee on the kitchen floor made me hear in my mind the echo of self-recriminations over the messes I create — it seems more often now as my native clumsiness increases with aging. But then, I had to smile…
The words out of my mouth weren’t born in the barnyard or factories of my youth, but in a smile in the heart — a smile for which I could thank Mary of Nazareth.
Is It possible that the first thing out of my mouth is not out of the “abundance of my heart”?
The words of Jesus in Luke 6:45 have haunted me at times: “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (NKJV) And then there’s James 3:10-12: “But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison…from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water…” (NASB) And, of course, who can escape the implications of Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (NIV)
I confess that over the years my response to the messes of my life, in light of these verses, has put me in a prison of shame. The Lord’s mercy and love have rescued me time after time from that shame, but then another mess would happen and in my grumpiness the doors would slame shut once more.
But, this morning, looking in on the story of Mary of Nazareth while she carried the Son of God, the door to that prison was flung wide off forever!
Let’s notice a few things from Mary’s story found in Luke 1.[1]
Mary’s first response to Gabriel’s declaration — that she was favored by God and would bear a son whom she should call Jesus — was fear, or great troubling of mind (vv. 29-30). Even with the angel’s assurances, swiftly following on the heels of her fear ws her question, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” (v. 34)
Mary’s second response to this mysterious pregnancy was far different and reflected a choice she was making from the heart to submit to God’s will in the matter. Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (v. 38)
Mary’s third response was also quite different from her first and came in her visit to her cousin Elizabeth—a visit which God used to confirm the reality that her pregnancy was certainly of God. She sang. Notice how her beautiful song of praise begins (“The Magnificat,” vv. 46-55): “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.” [2]
What I noticed this morning was that Mary’s first, immediate response was from the flesh — prompted by an amygdala hijacking[3] and of course, the breaking in of the angel into a world of flesh and blood.
But Mary’s second and third responses were from her spirit because her seeking mind over the years had been filled with thoughts of God that filled her heart with affections for God.[4] They were not immediate but later, out of necessity. Her second and third responses could not be denied because of what had filled her heart!
Deep in the reservoirs of Mary’s heart there was a love for God that led her to a choice to look beyond this world of flesh and blood to the God of the Impossible.[5]
That choice led her to surrender and praise, which in turn set the course of her life and gave her an identity. We remember her now as the woman who wrote The Magnificat and stood by the Cross, not the maiden who with trembling first questioned, “How can this be, for I am but a virgin?”[6]
As I ponder my own life, I can see this being lived again and again. My mouth regrettably is hijacked too often by my amygdala, but it inevitably becomes the servant of what fills my heart. My mouth begins to cry out for, and then to God for mercy. It moves on to praise of God.
This is, roughly speaking, the pattern of Mary’s responses.
And here’s the thing, God stepped into that young girl’s life and brought a miracle to life! So, certainly he can step into mine and work his miracles, no matter how regretful my first response might me.
Freedom at last!
Life has many temptations, and the response of the flesh can lead us to make wrong choices that dominate our lives for a time, but when love of God is in the heart those choices must finally come to a place of surrender and peace in what God has ordained for us.[7] That’s freedom! That’s freedom for a soul burdened down with regret turned into a suffocating prison of shame over the mind.[8]
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” — John 8:36 ESV
[1] References from English Standard Version.
[2] “LOOKED ON.” The word ιδου is the 2nd person single form of the verb ειδω (eido), one of three verbs that cover three groups of tenses of the act of seeing…but specifically with a subsequent recognizing and understanding. Its tense is 2nd aorist (which indicates the mere fact of the action, with deliberate silence about when the action takes place or how long it would last), its voice is middle (which indicates that the subject performs the action, and that commonly upon himself or for his benefit), and its mood is imperative (i.e. a command).
[3] amygdala hijack. The amygdala is a collection of nuclei located deep in a part of the brain known as the temporal lobe. The amygdala is part of the limbic system, a set of brain structures that help regulate our behavioral and emotional responses and serves a variety of purposes: detecting threats, triggering a body response (e.g., pulling your hand off a hot stove), fear conditioning (e.g., being afraid to drive after getting in a car accident), processing positive emotions, encoding emotional memories. It is a very useful part of our brain! The “amygdala hijack” is a term coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence. It refers to an intense emotional reaction that’s out of proportion to the circumstance. An amygdala hijack occurs when strong emotions “take over” the thinking part of your brain – making it difficult or impossible to think straight. For this reason an amygdala hijacking can trip us up and lead us to say or do things in the heat of the moment that we regret. Essentially, the rational brain is bypassed, and signals are sent straight to the “emotional brain.” Later, the thinking part of your brain processes the information, and you may realize your reaction was over the top.
[4] This framing of truth inspired by a YouVersion teaching clip on Luke 1:46-47 by the Passion Movement on December 20, 2924: https://www.bible.com/en/videos/48203?orientation=portrait&utm_content=STORY_CLIP&utm_medium=SHARE&utm_source=YVAPP]
[5] I see the “reservoirs of her heart” as complimenting the “fullness” or “abundance” of heart referred to by Jesus in Luke 6:45.
[6] Our lives and identity are shaped by what we worship. See Psalm 115:1-11. Verse 8 declares this truth, “Those who make them [idols] become like them; so do all who trust in them.” So, the call to our hearts in verse 9 is “Trust in the Lord!”
[7] Jesus Prays in Gethsemane—Mark 14:32-42 ESV
And they went to a place called Gethsemane. And he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33 And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. 34 And he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.” 35 And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. 36 And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” 37 And he came and found them sleeping, and he said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Could you not watch one hour? 38 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 39 And again he went away and prayed, saying the same words. 40 And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy, and they did not know what to answer him. 41 And he came the third time and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? It is enough; the hour has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 42 Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”
[8] Additional Resources
breathingbygraceblog 
The question was, “Is lamenting an angry feeling toward God and venting of those feelings in prayer OK? Is it ever right to express anger toward God Himself when lamenting a loss or trial?”
My answer: As always, the question is the condition or response of the heart, not the tone of voice or emotional reaction evoked at first. In other words, what is the desire, design and plan behind those angry words? Anger of the heart is the desire of the heart to put someone in their place with character assination or assigning them to evil. If that’s behind angry words toward God, it CAN’T be OK.
We know anger of HEART is dangerous because it leads to giving the silent treatment and withdrawing into that anger, or it reflects malice (a vindictive, vengeful attitude toward another), or it reflects a categorical assumption that the other person is evil in their intentions.
What is probably behind the question is the reality that many people today show very little respect toward others or do not choose to believe the best in the other person’s intentions. If we are complaining to God and the attitude is “You can’t boss me!” our anger is of the heart and that certainly is NOT OK. We must be very careful here because of who God is, categorically. He is the Boss, whether I like the way He goes about it or not. As a believer in Jesus Christ, He is MY boss who loves me and always has my best interest at heart. He is not my boss by assignment, but by birthing me (breathing me into existence) and desiring my life to work as designed – to be filled with peace and totally free of the foolishness of sin.
Expressing an angry complaint to God (one that sounds angry but really is a cry from the heart for God’s faithful love) is not like complaining to the boss who has just belittled you or saddled you with unrealistic expectations. We are God’s children, and like our own immature children to whom we give responsibility to carry a load they don’t think they can handle, we may complain. A loving dad or mom doesn’t take that personally because they know it’s frustration and perhaps fear talking, not the child’s heart of love for them.
The Psalms reflect anger toward God, but usually it’s in the form of a question. That’s helpful, because voicing anger in a question like “Why?” can help us to avoid attacking the character of God. In that case, the harshness or abruptness of our question, that may sound angry, can then become a cry for mercy and help – something God is always delighted to hear. In earthly life, I can vigorously question someone’s action or motives, but not desire to hurt or wound them in any way.
This has been my experience with close friends and family. The love in the heart can give rise to hard questions that sound like anger to their ears, but are essentially not anger. God is far more understanding and forgiving than any of my friends or family. I can trust him to be merciful when it seems I’m momentarily lost in suffering or confusion.
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